At the One Thing Conference in Kansas City last week, the Lord was speaking to me a lot about love. You know, when I set my heart to love and to meditate on God’s definition of love in the Word, it is revealed rather quickly just how UNLOVING I am. So I started crying out: “God, help me love You. Helper, help me see people like you do. Give me eyes to see and a heart to feel like Yours.” I would pray this being so aware of God seeing not just my actions, but the heart behind them.
It is terrifying when I think about God seeing me. Really seeing me, on the inside- not just what I say or do, but every single inclination and motivation behind every single word and action.
So at one point during the conference I was asking God to help me know what hinders me from entering into deeper relationship with Him. And then He spoke to me about my heart: “You ask Me to help you see people like I do, to feel about them and think about them like I do. But you only ask Me this so that your internal struggle will be over and you can feel good about yourself for not having wicked thoughts. You pray this prayer, but it is not motivated from LOVE.”
Then I saw a picture of my heart- it was a regular heart but it had these tumor like growths on it- the growths represented selfish ambition and impure motivation. I started praying for the Holy Spirit to come and cut those things off of my heart!
I saw a second heart that was large and looked healthy and vibrant. The Lord said that even though this heart looked large it was just puffed up with sentiment and was not a store house for true love. This heart could belong to someone who seemed to be a happy, compassionate, caring person, but it was not full of 1 Corinthians 13 love.
The third heart I saw was small and made of pure gold. The love that came from this heart would not seem large or extravagant, but it would be pure love. I felt the Lord speak to me that the person who possessed a heart like this may not even be seen as the friendliest person, but that the love contained in the heart was the real deal. After I saw this heart, I knew this was the one I wanted.
I am so thankful for this revelation. I was thankful to have it revealed that my wickedness is even greater than I thought! Why? Because now I know what to ask Father for, AND I know even more that I NEED His righteousness. Before when I prayed to see people like Jesus does, I was really just wanting to see them that way in order to appease my own conscience. Now I pray: “Jesus! Do what only You can do- come change me on the inside that my motivation would be LOVE. Change my stony heart into a soft heart so I can love You and love people.”